Support for loved ones
What you can say, what you can do, and when to get urgent help if someone you care about is in mental distress.
Seeing someone you care about in distress can feel overwhelming, confusing, and frightening.
You might not know what to say. You might be scared of saying the wrong thing. You might feel responsible for fixing everything.
You do not need to have all the answers.
Your role is to help create safety, stay steady, and get the right support involved when needed.
On this page
Use this section to jump to the part you need most.
If someone is in immediate danger, call 999 now.
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What to do if someone may harm themselves, harm someone else, or cannot stay safe.
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A reminder of your role and what you can realistically do.
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How crisis can affect behaviour, thinking, communication, and risk.
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Simple phrases that can feel safe, steady, and supportive.
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Things that can accidentally increase shame, fear, or distress.
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Practical steps to reduce pressure and support safety.
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When to call 111, 999, A&E, crisis services, or other support.
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How to stay supportive when the immediate danger has passed.
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How to share concerns clearly if services are missing risk.
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How to recognise the toll this can take and seek support too.
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If there is immediate danger
If someone may seriously harm themselves, harm someone else, has already harmed themselves, is missing during a crisis, or cannot stay safe, call 999.
If they need urgent mental health support but it is not immediately life-threatening, call NHS 24 on 111 and ask for mental health support.
Do not wait because you are worried about overreacting.
You do not need their permission to call 999 if there is immediate danger. You can say:
“I’m worried someone is in mental health crisis and they are not safe.”
You do not need to have all the answers
You do not need to fix everything.
You do not need perfect words.
You do not need to understand the whole system.
You can still help.
Your role is to help with the next safe step
Stay calm where possible
Listen without judgement
Reduce immediate risk
Contact support if needed
Stay with them if it is safe to do so
You can say: “I don’t have all the answers, but I’m here with you and we can take one step at a time.”
What you might be seeing
When someone is in mental health crisis, their behaviour can change quickly.
This is not about them being difficult. It may be a sign they are overwhelmed, frightened, unwell, or unable to think clearly.
You might notice
Distress
Crying, panic, anger, withdrawal, shame, guilt, or hopelessness.
Unusual experiences
Paranoia, hearing or seeing things, feeling detached from reality, or believing things that do not seem true.
Confusion
Struggling to think clearly, remember things, explain themselves, or understand what is happening.
Risk
Talking about suicide, self-harm, disappearing, unsafe behaviour, or not being able to stay alone.
How to speak to them
You do not need perfect words.
Aim for words that are calm, simple, and safe.
Start with presence, not solutions
Use phrases like:
“I’m here with you.”
“You don’t have to go through this on your own.”
“We can slow this down together.”
“You don’t need to explain it perfectly. I’m listening.”
If they feel ashamed or guilty
Use phrases like:
“You are not beyond help.”
“One moment does not define everything about you.”
“We can deal with what has happened, but right now I care about you being safe.”
If you do not know what to say
Use phrases like:
“I don’t have the right words, but I care about you.”
“I might not fully understand, but I want to.”
Being genuine is more important than being perfect.
What to avoid
Some responses can increase shame, fear, or distress, even when they are meant kindly.
Try not to say
“Just calm down.”
“You’ll be fine.”
“Others have it worse.”
“Why would you do that?”
“You’re being dramatic.”
Try not to
Argue them out of feelings
Demand explanations straight away
Make promises you cannot keep
Leave them alone if they are unsafe
Take on everything by yourself
What you can do in the moment
Focus on small, practical steps.
You are trying to reduce pressure and increase safety.
Practical steps
Reduce pressure
Lower noise, reduce questions, move away from crowds, and keep instructions simple.
Contact support together
Offer to sit with them while calling NHS 24, a GP, crisis team, or someone trusted.
Support basic needs
Offer water, food, rest, medication reminders, or a quieter space if appropriate.
You can say: “Would it help if I stayed with you while we call someone?”
When to seek urgent help
Ask for urgent help if you are worried about safety.
You are not overreacting by asking for help.
Seek urgent help if
They may harm themselves or someone else
They cannot stay safe
They are missing during crisis
They are psychotic, severely confused, or out of control
They have taken something or may need medical help
You feel out of your depth
What to do
Call 999 if there is immediate danger.
Call 111 for urgent mental health support if it is not immediately life-threatening.
Go to A&E if they feel unable to stay safe or need urgent medical help.
You can say: “I am worried they are not safe and I need urgent advice.”
The time after a crisis can still feel fragile.
Try not to push for full explanations straight away. Safety and stability come first.
Supporting them after the crisis
What can help
Keep communication simple
Short check-ins can be better than intense conversations.
Help with practical steps
Appointments, medication, transport, food, sleep, paperwork, or calls.
Watch for risk returning
Withdrawal, shame, missed medication, no sleep, substance use, or talk of hopelessness.
Encourage follow-up support
GP, mental health team, counselling, advocacy, housing, or practical support.
You can say: “We do not need to unpack everything today. Let’s focus on what helps you stay steady.”
Speaking up for them
Sometimes services only see a short snapshot.
You may notice risks that are not obvious in an appointment, assessment, custody setting, hospital, or court.
Share clear examples
Instead of:
“They’re not themselves.”
Say:
“They have not slept for three nights, they are saying they do not want to live, and they have missed medication.”
You can say
“I understand you may not be able to share information with me, but I need to give you urgent safety information.”
“I do not believe they are safe to be left alone tonight.”
“Can this risk be documented and reviewed?”
Looking after yourself
You are allowed to
Take breaks where possible
Ask someone else to help
Talk to someone you trust
Get support for yourself
Set limits if you are becoming unsafe or overwhelmed
Supporting someone through crisis can take a lot out of you.
You may feel scared, guilty, angry, numb, exhausted, or constantly on alert.
That does not mean you are failing. It means this is hard.
What matters most right now
You do not need to get this perfect.
Stay calm where you can.
Do not ignore serious risk.
Get support involved if safety is uncertain.
Being there, staying steady, and showing you care can make a real difference.